Heros Always Have Stupid Hair
by absoluteParadox
Summary: When Arthur finds a strange boy and his sister eavesdropping outside Alfred's window one night... well let's just say, it's exactly how you imagine it, except a million times worse. IZ APH crossover. No romance. No swearing. Country and "Citizen/Human" names used. Have fun, kids.
1. Chapter 1

It was midnight, and they were still awake. It sucked. Alfred leaned on the table, clutching his mountain dew to his chest, holding in a burp that probably had the power to knock down the closest wall. Ivan was chasing Yao with some scissors. Yao was screaming something about a haircut. Arthur was making more tea. And Francis? Well, he was just messing around with his phone. Looked like he was watching a movie or something, but Alfred didn't want to look particularity close.

Oh. And then there was Matt. He was pitched on the end of the counter, yelling at the top of his lungs. But, as usual, nobody heard him. They never heard him. He was telling them to shut up. He was telling them that there was somebody outside.

Arthur frowned. What was that noise? He looked around the room. And saw... Matthew (DunDunDUN!). Artie ran a hand through his messy blond hair and walked over to his brother.

"What's the matter. Mattie?"

"I heard somebody outside the window..."

"It's probably nothing." He sipped his tea, and glanced sideways through the dark glass. He jumped when he saw a flash, or a reflection of light as the case happened to be.

"EVERYBODY SHUT THE BLODDY #*^% UP!"

And everybody did. Arthur slowly opened the window and peered out into the cool summer night. "Who's there?"

"Nobody!" called a voice from directly under the window.

Arthur looked down. There, sitting directly under him, was a boy about 14 years old. He was wearing a black coat, black pants, and a blue t-shirt with a smiley face on it. Well actually, it was more of a poker face, now that Arthur thought about it. However, right now it was wrinkeled into kind of a sheepish expression... actually, it pretty much matched the face the boy was sporting currently as he looked up at Arthur through his thick framed glasses.

Arthur promptly grabbed the boy by his shirt collar, and pulled him through the window. "WHO THE ^#&* ARE YOU?"

"Uhhh..."

"Not an appropriate answer!"

"Look, I'm sorry – I think I got the wrong house!"

Arthur squinted at the boy. He was reminded the of someone he knew a long time ago... The innocent expression, the way the hair stuck up in the front... And this boy would probably to grow up to be ungrateful and idiotic just like Alfred.

He frowned. "Who were you looking for?"

"Well, by any chance do you know anybody by the name of Sam? … or Liberty, I suppose. Or both! Wow, that's a thought – there could be two of them! Ok... I'm getting ahead of myself. Do you know anybody REALY patriotic? Let's start there."

The older boys looked from one to another. Oh, crap. How – ? They didn't even want to know.

"Nope! W-what are you talking about?" said Alfred, rather too quickly.

"Well, I recently received files from the swollen eyeball network and why am I telling you this? You're adults! You probably think I'm just a dumb kid. You don't care." His head slumped. "Can I go?"

"Not yet. Finnish that thought," said Francis who was sitting on top of the counter next to Matthew, they were both leaned back, eating ham sandwiches.

"Seriously? You'll think I'm crazy."

"Kid, you just saw or overheard or whatever..ed the crap that was going on in this apartment. This is a good day. Trust me, boy. I know crazy," muttered Arthur. "Besides. I've seen the stranger... most beautiful things... nobody believes me though. So, I'm all ears."

"I know, right? They _never_ believe me. Even the people from the network. And I'm always in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or my sister jumps out of the dumpsters and wreaks everything... or I get the absolute perfect shot – and then when I look back through my pictures, I find out I left the lens cap on. On top of all that, I go home, and my dad doesn't even recognize me. I got kicked out of the house, because he's been away so long her still remembers me as a ten-year-old. Can you imagine the look on his face when he say a teenage boy digging through the fridge. My sister too. She's back at the hotel, though."

"That sounds strangely familiar," said Matthew. He was being sarcastic, of course, but nobody heard him anyway, so it didn't matter.

Then all of a sudden - "no. I'm not."

The voice was a little low and gravely for a girl's. The owner of the voice climbed through the open window, an landed lightly (for somebody wearing combat boots) on the floor. The first thing you noticed about her, was her hair. It was died an offensive shade of purple. Secretly, England could tell he would like this girl then and there. She reminded him of the 80's. Yessss. Those were the days. She was also wearing a simple black jumper, with a striped grey and black shirt underneath. She was also wearing pink and black striped socks. So the family was big on black, huh? Meanwhile, Francis was almost having a heart attack.

"Amerique? _This_ is how the people in your country dress? I would have thought Angleterre would have raised you better than _this_."

The girl just simply walked over to the frenchmen, snatching the mustard of the table, and when she was close enough, while he was still clueless to her intentions, she squirted him in the eye.

Ok. Arthur Kirkland liked this girl. A lot.


	2. Chapter 2

As Francis washed his eye out in the sink, Dib explained the files he had gotten from the so-called 'swollen eyeball network', and the girl – Gaz, as she had curtly introduced herself – raided Alfred's fridge.

"...So then they gave me theses files about countries. And I'm not talking about landmasses. I'm talking about sentient, fully aware personifications of the countries, citizens and cultures! I mean this is _huge! _Not as huge as my main project, of course!"

"And your main project is?"

"Aliens. Well, one in particular. It's kind of a long story."

Arthur let out a long sigh. Ok. His first impression of Dib was fading. Humph. Stupid aliens.

"Cool beans!" cried out Alfred. "Aliens are like the most awesome thing ever, right?"

"Uh," began the boy. "That's not exactly my personal opinion..."

"What?" said Arthur sarcastically. "Everybody just _loves _aliens. It's not like they want us all dead or anything."

"Don't get on about that one time... they're still flipping awesome!" shot Alfred.

"What time?" asked Dib.

Yao, who had been relatively silent this entire time spoke up. "Oh. Scary movie. Aliens steeling peoples faces and stuff like that."

"Sounds like something Zim would try."

"What's a Zim?" asked Matthew.

"An alien," the boy said darkly.

"Yeah, but he's so incompetent. He ends up saving the world most of the time..." muttered Gaz as she sipped at a can of Faygo. "Bluh!" She just tossed it over her shoulder.

"Oh, shut up. You know very well the world (or at least our town) would have been destroyed if it wasn't for me. Sure he's been helpful in the past, but it's not like he's done anything that I couldn't or wouldn't have done!"

"Mmmhmmm."

Arthur watched as Alfred slowly shuffled out of the room – probably to hide Tony, he thought.

"Besides, Dib," the girl was saying. "You're too stupid to be competent as well. Take your personified countries thing. It's obvious! They're -"

It was a slow motion sequence. Or at least, that's the way the british man saw it. Ivan made a mad dash for the fridge, took out a slice of cold pizza, and shoved it into the girls mouth. If he hadn't done it, someone else would have, because they knew exactly what she was going to say.

So, naturally, they were all surprised when she spat out the pizza and said: " – not real. Yuck. This is terrible!" She turned to Ivan. "What the HECK was that?"

"...You looked... hungry?" it was more of a question than an answer. But it didn't look like ether the boy or girl noticed.

Arthur's mind raced. He really wanted the kids out of the apartment. But then again, he didn't exactly want to throw them out on the streets – if what they were saying was true, that is.

"Look, why don't you kids get some sleep in my guest room. I can sleep on the couch. We'll talk about the trespassing when we're all fully awake."

The boy looked to the girl. "How do you feel about lodging with a bunch of strange men?"

"Meh."

"Look," began Matthew. "The only person that you need to worry about is Francis, and I think you scared him off."

"Er, are you sure it's o-okay?" Dib stuttered.

"Psh. When I say 'my guest room', I mean the one I usually stay in. This is my brothers apartment – he's the one who disappeared on us a few minutes prior to this moment. He'd probably be fine with him, but if he isn't we'll get to see the face he makes when he gets upset, and it's a riot. Down the hall, second door on the left side."

After the kids disappeared through the door, Alfred came out from where ever he was hiding.

"I heard. It's okay. Just wished you woulda asked."

"Where's Tony?"

"Some government friends – if you know what I mean – are coming to pick him up. He'll be moved to my 'main estate'."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" asked Francis

"Yeah. I've been meaning to do it anyway. My boss will be cool with it as long as the little guy doesn't talk to his kids..."

–

**So, thanks for the support guys! No, this wasn't a one shot, and, yes, Zim will be appearing shortly. Frankly, I have no idea where I'm taking this story (poor planning on my part), so later (if I get stuck) I might ask you – my readers – for help. But I think I've got a pretty good handle on it for now. Again thanks for the comments, the subscriptions, and the favorites. It means a lot to me. **

**PS: If you can spot an obscure reference to something that isn't Hetalia or invader Zim, tell me your guess in the comments and you get an implied hug from me. :o)**


End file.
